She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
