Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize