Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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