I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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