I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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