thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
