Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
