Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's like heaven, but drunker
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
