so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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