I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
