Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize