you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
