hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
