That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
