There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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