She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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