I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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