And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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