my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
