wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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