You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
