I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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