for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
