The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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