I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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