your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
