I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
