i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
