i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
