Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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