Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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