dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
