what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
