I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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