You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
