its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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