i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
