I faked an abortion last night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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