That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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