I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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