I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
