my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
