a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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