How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
