He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
