he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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