New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
