WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
