just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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