So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
