You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
