Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
