u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize