I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
