She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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