Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
