my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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