I'm gonna have a badass scar
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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