I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
