I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
