she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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