i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize