I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
